i have been waiting (as patiently as i could) for this day to come, and i think the time has come. i'm very glad; it's about time.

Posted 11:21 PM by hiu k.

i have never, in my entire life, feel as defeated as I do this moment.

Posted 2:46 PM by hiu k.

perspective

looking at the title of my blog, i can't help but think what a journey this has been. there were happy moments, of course, but there were also times filled with worries and sadness. like now. not unfounded worries, either.

it reminds me of the case competition trip in VA. it has its moments. team-wise, we won first place. individually, i won the grand prize in a raffle. yet, there were times when i felt homesick and a certain loneliness, though surrounded by a trusted friend and fellow peers almost at all times. for most people, the "college experience" is experienced over a span of 4 years. my "experience" was so calm and steady that i thought the notion of "college experience" was highly exaggerated. then the case competition experience hit me squarely in the face. it summed up the personal, academic, social, emotional aspects of things - in a matter of days. because the things I saw, the people i interacted with, the things that happened, the places i've been, and the feelings i felt, all happened with a strengthened intensity. it was the culmination of my college experience, and despite the bad, i was grateful for the experience.

now, i am in the midst of a storm, and i am not sure if i can say the same. thus far, i have learned more than i cared for and felt more deeply than i have ever felt in my life. but sometimes, i couldn't help but wonder what i (or my siblings) had done to deserve it. we are, i'd venture to say, hard workers. we got our first job the first year we can legally work, and worked hard through h.s. two of us have already completed our college education - the first(s) in our family to do so. now, when things are finally starting to fall into place, everything else fell apart.

i guess that's life. but this is the toughest battle by far. right now, i know one too many things about laws and health and hospitals and car rentals and houses and insurance and mortgage and far too many things that i never thought i needed to know. or at least things that the average 21 year old didn't have to know. i guess this is good in some way. i know who my true friends are, but i guess i've always known who they are. i also firmly believed that what doesn't kill me could make me stronger, though it does not make it any easier. right now, the utmost importance to me is the well-being of a certain someone. that's all that matters to me right now.

i guess tucked in the far corners of my mind is a big "what if...", but right now, it's pushed back by a little something called hope.

Posted 11:38 AM by hiu k.