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time passed. i was so distressed. in fact, i was so distressed that i asked Him for some sort of guidance, even though i am not a deeply religous person. i wanted to know if i am doing the right thing. deep down inside, i know the answer already. it's crystal clear in my heart and in my mind. i know that i am not doing everything i could. but is it possible to do everything? i don't know what direction i needed to take. i don't know what i need do do. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i just wanted to cry. i admitted loudly that i was lost. and then... i woke up.

but, i am still lost. i need to start working on plan b now. and it's progressing, i guess, albeit slowly. i am just afraid that i will wake up some day years down the road without accomplishing what i wanted to do. and yet, what do i want to accomplish? do i really know? can i really be sure? with conviction? probably not. i don't have any answers. and i guess i don't really need any answers, because that's just the way the world works. i know there's really nothing to fear, but sometimes, it's good to have certainty. you can feel like there's more security in life; that you have control over it, even though it's probably all an illusion. things can't just be black and white, but then again, i guess that's ok too. after all, it'd be a shame not to have shades of gray.

Posted 7:58 PM by hiu k.

walk for hunger

i can't walk. my feet is sore. i went to the walk for hunger with my brother, cousin and his friend today. we met up at seven-something in the morning in boston (so we woke up much earlier than that). we took a couple of breaks on our 'walk', and by the time we finished the twenty mile walk, it was about 3 p.m. i guess that isn't too bad. my feet is ultra sore only because i got blisters...

it's a good feeling to make it to the finish line. this is my fifth year there. we completed 20 miles in the first two years. then for the next two years, i completed only about 17 miles and left when we got to cambridge. (for me, it doesn't make sense to walk all the way back to boston only to take the T back to cambridge, right?) anyway, i was tempted to skip out at cambridge again, but seeing that it was still early in the afternoon and there's a nice, warm breeze (unlike the scorching hot ~90! degrees weather two years ago), i decided to finish it this year. and so we did. and now i can't walk without saying ... "ah, my legs. i can't walk!"

on our way there, each of the walkers got a really small, FM radio gadget, with a small light. i think it's pretty neat. early on in the trip, someone also took our picture (my brother, another walker and me). actually, i don't know who she is or what the picture might be used for, but i figured, oh well, what the heck... :)

anyway, i guess i'll just sit here all day until my legs feel well rested. ha! while this is not my first time walking, i am still more tired than i thought i'd be.

Posted 5:11 PM by hiu k.

tired

i have been feeling very tired, even though everything's fine and dandy. i think even my tiredness showed through at work, though of course i didn't mean for it to show. but it has also been busy, which drained even more energy...

anway, a list of unrelated things:

i have to keep up with my reading. library. i have to review my notes. the weather has been lovely this week. brother's graduation is coming up - yay! mother's day coming up next week...hmm. walk for hunger this weekend. Sweet Home Alabama is an OK movie, though very lacking in the development of characters. bruce almighty (commercial) looks ridiculously hilarious. i bet moviegoers would get a good laugh out of it. need to update blog a little more often. upcoming trip. friends. phone calls. stuffs. more later, i guess, when i have the energy to write more coherently and in complete sentences.

goodbye for now.

Posted 6:47 PM by hiu k.