dream

my dreams scare me sometimes. today, i woke up with a feeling that i am wasting my time...again. they come every couple of years, though they have been happening
with greater frequency and startling me in the early waking moments. i am not doing what i should be doing. my decisions are not aligned with what my heart wants to do. but desires and reality are two different things. things don't always work out the way you want. i think i know what i needed to do. i guess, truthfully, i've known it for a long time. but it is not time to do it yet, and i can't do it yet. there are factors. responsibilities. and i can't ignore them because neglecting those responsibilities would make me into the type of person that i don't want to be. i'm keeping my options open. i have making plans. and i am looking forward to those plans. at the same time, i am also enjoying (and admittedly, sometimes struggling to remember) the little blessing that is today, and remembering what is most important to me.

i found out the result of the mbti test at work recently. my personality type was the same as the result from freshman year in college. not surprisingly, i guess. i figured as much that i haven't changed much. i know i have changed some, just because there won't be any progress without change. i also realize that i can 'see' people. actually, i've known that for a long time too, but i guess i have always tucked it far away just because because despite its benefits, there are also setbacks.

on an unrelated note, i read an acticle recently about the issue (again) of affirmative action and using race-based decision in college admissions. the author proposed that preference based on income-level might be better. there were some interesting graduation stats of people in the low income bracket, and it was either twenty-or-thirty something percent. i couldn't help thinking what a low percentage that is. while i am glad i made it, i couldn't help thinking about all those people who worked so hard but couldn't finish it for whatever reasons....

Posted 6:46 PM by hiu k.