fragmented thoughts

when i was a kid, one of the things that frightened me the most was that i'd wake up some morning only to find that i had wasted my life away. i have had times when my dreams are with such intensity that i'd wake up breathing hard and feeling like there's a big hole in my heart.

now that i'm older, i still think about it sometimes. i can't say i know exactly what i am doing. or the direction i should take. i have ideas, based on the bits and pieces of interests. yet, they are not fitting together; they're scattered everywhere.

i think maybe someday, maybe when i least expect it, it'll all fit perfectly together. or maybe not. but i don't think it's all that important anymore.

someone commented recently that i must be in love with life, because i'm always smiling. today, on my way home from work today, i looked up at the clear blue sky. even with the snow on the ground and the chilly weather, my mood can't be dampened. it sounds dorky but i can't help but smile at the beautiful scenery in front of me. and you know what? that person who made that person was darn right. maybe i don't have all the answers right now. maybe i'll find out along the way, or maybe i am not supposed to. but one thing is for sure: i am in love with life. and you know what? that's all that matters right now and it's a feeling that i hope i'll never forget.

Posted 8:41 PM by hiu k.

columbia, space shuttle

the space shuttle, columbia, crashed. i found out this morning while i was shopping at costco, when i noticed a small crowd gathered in front of a big-screen tv in the electronics section. i went over quickly to see what was going on, and surely enough, a reporter was announcing the breaking news.

as i am writing this, i've already read from some news source that some human remains have been found. all seven astronauts perished in the crash. i know that people die everyday. but most do not die this way. it's just so sad, and so ... final. tragedies like these just seem to magnify death. i am relieved that it doesn't appear to be acts of terrorism; with 9/11 and the possible war against iraq in the near future, it's probably the first thought that crossed many people's mind. but, this means that this is likely a computer or operator's error(s), which - in a mission like this - could (and should) have been avoided.

i don' t know what else to say...

Posted 7:00 PM by hiu k.