Finality is a strange sort of thing. When you finally accept that it is the end, when you hope against hope that something could blossom but didn't, and that there are no more chances to foster that possibility, that's when you know it's over and you need to move on.

How ironic...my blog quote is that "the end of one journey is the beginning of another". I can't help but think about how much I will miss that part of the journey.

Posted 11:01 PM by hiu k.

It's been more than 9 months since I last posted. I had intended not to post anymore, without saying goodbye, but then an update now and then would serve as a good reminder of just how much I've come along.

I have definitely grown a lot (emotionally and socially) as a person over the past year. Academically, not so much, but I am hardly unaware of current events.

I have been busy and active. I saw Pride and Prejudice and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire just this week alone (and enjoyed both). I went to New York with my family earlier this week on Thanksgiving, and went skiing with my sis this weekend. Next week, I will have to run a few errands (bring my car in for an oil change, appointment). The Jingle Ball concert will be here in no time and then there's the upcoming trip. I haven't met up with a few people that I've been meaning to, but I will. am very excited about all these activities, but sometimes there just aren't enough hours in a day!

As for my car debt: I am making huge stride with the monthly payments. I still contend that the goal is attainable, but I think I will refrain from making any large $ purchases for a while after my car's paid off.

At this time, I am most excited about skiing. It can get expensive, but I think it's well worth it.
Other than that, I am definitely enjoying life. I didn't think that life after college is all that much fun (it's always work), but like all things, it's really as much fun as you make it to be. And right now, it's just a blast. :)

Posted 2:51 PM by hiu k.

My goals:

I probably can't achieve all my goals within the year, but I want to write them down to serve as a constant reminder that I am - at least - working towards these goals.

I am going to be more active this year (socially) and (athletically?)

I am going to spend less time online, and more quality time with the people I care about.

I am aiming to put my paychecks into my car debt. I have to figure out if it's possible to pay off my car in 2 years, instead of 5. (Completion of the goal would trigger new goal of "moving out").

I am going to travel this year (while keeping my head above water with limited budget)

I am going to do good.

I am going to take risks.

I am going to try out new things.

I am going to live life a little more. :)

Posted 5:06 PM by hiu k.

Amazing. It's 2005. Where has the time gone? And why haven't I updated my blog since last October?
Laziness at its peak, I guess.

Actually, I've been busy. The more I wanted to change things, the more I find that they stay the same. Anyway, there are a lot of things happening in my life. Mostly changes. Good changes, I would say (aren't most changes good? how can you learn and grow if things are...stagnant?)

I've even develop a crush on someone I know, which I find to be mildly funny because it began strictly as a friendship (admittedly, he actually turned me off at the beginning until I got to know his dynamic personality). Sometimes I just don't understand how the heart works, or why we feel the way we do. I don't think he has any idea (or maybe he does), but it's meant to be...it's meant to be, right? I have some very good friends, but overall, I still suck at relationships/friendships. Then again, what's new? I'll just keep working at it. ;)

I took up skiing recently (first-timer) and it's a blast! What a rush to go down the mountain at that speed (and a bigger rush for me because I didn't know how to stop!) I fell so many times and had problems picking myself up (if I don't take off my skiis) but I didn't mind it at all because I "want" to learn it badly enough. I spent a full day there (from 10-4p.m, which does not include the 1 hour commute), took a 1.5 hour beginner's lesson, and went up and down the "smallest" mountain three times. I am going to go again and keep practicing until I get better (but definitely before it closes in March!)

I would invite my friends to go skiing, but I want to wait until I can at least pick myself up. I've definitely got to work on my upper-body strength. I knew that too. To be honest, I really don't mind falling at all and I don't kind falling to be embarassing (everybody does, and it actually hurts less than if I were to fall from skating! think: ice). It's just the getting up part that I have the most problems with (I can't pull myself up!) so it looks like I don't want to get up and try again (which is not the case at all!)

The only other problem....? Well, I need to stop falling whenever I get of the ski lift! I keep failing at it each time even though I tried different methods! I'll have to do more testing the next time now, right?

Of course, the best part is - All worries are gone when I go skiing (probably because everyone's occupied with "not falling") I didn't think I'd want to try skiing, but now I'm glad I took a chance. As much as I love skating (for years now), I think skiing just stole the lead on my passion from skating!

All in all - good changes so far for year 2005. I'll have to keep taking more risks now to experience life, right? ;)

P.S. I am going to stay away from concerts this year - I've went to 3 in the last year alone - Mixfest, JingleBall, and Avril Lavigne at the Fleetcenter (and I got relatively broke after each one) so I definitely need to check my budget. Financially, it doesn't look too good for me since since my car insurance renewel is coming up. That's going to be hefty, along with car debt and bills, and how can I save if I'm living paycheck to paycheck. Then again, what's really new in the life of twenty-year old somethings nowadays?

Posted 9:58 AM by hiu k.

2004 Red Sox Vs Yankees - Game 7 ALCS

Wow. What a great game. What a great feeling, especially after last year's heartbreaking loss. I wrote a post on the Red Sox last year too (search archive). Just when hope dimmed in this ALCS series (down 3-0; game 3 was especially tough to watch with the way that Yankees slaughtered us with their 19 runs), the Red Sox came back with a vengence and made history. Wow. It's unbelievable. I haven't gotten much sleep for the last weeks or so. I have been staying up night after night, anxiously watching the games and hoping that we don't have to taste the disappointment this time around. If we had lost this year, I know it would have been painful because we are within grasp of reaching the World Series. This down-and-up journey, combined with our emotional attachment, would sting (again) had we lost. It's a a great reversal of fortune. I couldn't keep a silly grin off my face all day.

On the flip side, Yankees fans must be pretty devastated, since they could have close out the game since game 4. I have nothing against Yankees fans (some of my colleagues are Yankees fan), but in order for Boston to advance to the WS, we need to beat the Yankees. It's long overdue so I'm thrilled we beat the Yankees and made history. Admittedly, it's rather strange to see anxious Yankees fans (during the game) and disappointed fans (after the game). Those are the same feelings we know very well, and it was just odd to see because it's actually not us for a change.

I was pretty nervous during Game 7 of this series, even after we have secured a 6 run lead in the first couple of innings. I felt unsettled until the final out is recorded (Ok, I felt a lot at ease when we're at ninth inning with a 7-run lead and 2 outs recorded), because...must I remind you of last year? We were only 5 outs away when the Yankees came back to win it on Aaron Boone's home run. Even though we had a commanding lead this time around, but I can bet that most Red Sox fans felt the same way until it's really over. It is fitting that we won this year. It's pay back time for last year. One team has to lose, and as fans, hearts are going to be broken either way. For a change, though, I'm glad we're on the winning end.

World Series this Saturday....here we go!

I'm hoping that we could win against the winner of the National League (Astro and Cardinals are playing right now as I'm typing this), but either way, (like last year), I'm just really proud of the Boston team.

Posted 9:21 PM by hiu k.

it's amazing. i'm actually a little disappointed that i haven't updated this blog as often as i'd liked. but there are just so many things on my mind. there are just so many things to do. i guess i do have the time, but i just "feel" like i don't have the time. i haven't had the time to do the (some) of the things that i wanted to do. i feel like i've lost my focus. there are a lot of things i want to continue to pursue (i.e skating, travelling). everyone has his/her wants. i think mine is relatively simple. i really appreciate the simple things in life. it doesn't take too much to make me happy. really. (but that doesn't mean i don't get annoyed with things.)

i am not going to quit my blog just yet. i may not feel up to it to update my blog on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean i ought it quit it altogether.

i think i'm going through a quarter life crisis right now. for those who are not familiar with it, there is a book and a website on that topic too. i guess that's typical of people of my age. i'm not sure what i should be doing or whether i'm actually doing what i ought to be doing. wait, who cares about what i ought to be doing? am i doing what i want to be doing? i guess for the most part, i don't have any complaints because i'm not really restricted to pursue what i wanted to do (although as expenses/financial consideration becomes a hindrance for wants like travelling). and, besides the career aspect, what about the social life, love life, educational life, and well, just life in general.

but at the very least, i have a pretty good and challenging job which keeps my mind off things and takes care of the bills (car payments really dent my "attempt" to save). my birthday is also coming up, which makes me think about what direction i wanted to take. do i go to grad school (part-time)? take classes that i'm interested in? i just feel like what i choose to do now will affect me later on in the future (if i want to change my career, i'd better make up my mind) so i'm thinking about my decisions cautiously.

and well, there is just so much more on my mind that i'm willing to share here because it gets too personal. sometimes i feel that life treats me kindly and at other times, i realized just how cruel it can be too. sometimes, it's just not fair. then again, no matter how hard i may have it (things not typical for people my age), i realized that there are bound to be others who have it even worse. i guess it doesn't really matter; i guess it all made appreciate the valiant efforts everyone put up in their fight against their struggles. (that'd probably take away just a bit of my usual optimism, maybe...)

and who says that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? (yes, i can and understand where it comes from), but really, but who's to argue otherwise? if you have never loved at all, then you wouldn't know the pain that comes from having loved and lost, right?

and yes, relationships are still complicated. even friendships.

and for some reason, i think some people that i'm perfect or completely innocent. i'm not. no one is perfect and no one is completely innocent. and while i am happy with myself, i'm far from perfect. now please leave me alone.

on the bright side, i've joined the gym through my corporate membership, and i'm absolutely loving it.

Posted 10:29 PM by hiu k.

Ah! Relationships are just too complicated. Even friendship. I give up. I'm just tired.

P.S. Walk for Hunger tomorrow. It's my sixth year and I'm psyched about it. I'll be there rain or shine.

Posted 9:49 AM by hiu k.

"Life sucks and then you die."

If you didn't know me in person, you would think I'm moody.

I am usually in a good mood. I am happy about a lot of things. I like my life (most parts), I like my job. I love my familiy and friends.

But that doesn't mean those things can't weigh me down a bit. Don't get me wrong. I take a very simple view of life (despite its complexity), and I believe that any "problem" can be solved (it's only a matter of time depending on how difficult the problem might be. Sometimes it can be a "lifetime"). Still, that doesn't mean I can't feel like crap - like today.

While I'm happy on most days, I am not today. And I just want to rant about it. No, I don't want to go into the details, so I am going to sulk it up and use this space to help me clear my head a bit.

Posted 7:29 PM by hiu k.